Poetry: There You Sat

Body language.

Body language. Poetry. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Today, I thought of a previous relationship, an unhealthy one on many levels.

I thought about the levels of language as I remembered a specific date in time. As I write a poem, today, the written words become one level of communication. Language also exists on other planes, in the forms of body movements and spoken words.

Language has many facets.

There You Sat

When you sat and ate dinner beside me,

Without a look or a word,

Your body language spoke to me in hushed tones that

I could not ignore.

 

I watched your side profile,

Your straight back and strong jaw,

Your unspoken language that

Told me I let you down

(again).

 

I sat stiff as well,

With tightened throat, and heart,

The taste of nausea strong in my mouth

(for the third time that week).

 

Your strong back matched  your tone of voice,

Later that evening,

As you told me that you were my last hope –

That no one else would ever love me again.

 

Your words ate me alive,

And followed me when I almost died,

When that same nausea moved from my mouth to my mind

And your words played like a never-ending tape in my head,

(just for me),

An audience of one that was captive for so long.

 

Your love, you said, was genuine

Though sometimes I wonder if you ever were,

Or if you understood what that word meant.

The hushed tones, the spoken words,

Those were concepts that you understood well.

 

Your tape still calls to me some days

And I remember you, your body,

Your language.

So tell me – Did you understand me?

 

©2012 Christy Birmingham

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61 thoughts on “Poetry: There You Sat

  1. Heather

    I love you buddy! You had an incredibly cruel hand dealt to you, but you are truly an amazing woman who has overcome so much, and proven to all of us that you can and will face any challenge head on! I admire your courage!

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  2. mywithershins

    Anyone who would put you through that can understand nothing but their own ego and their controlling nature. Best that the relationship is in the past. Glad you were strong enough to walk away from that. Hugs! 🙂

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  3. John G Evans

    Christy, you have so much courage, talent and a master level of creating using the written word. I am sorry for the love you lost, have faith and be of good hope friend, I was alone for many, many years (due to my selfish nature), until I finally surrendered to my dear Judith. Your poetry truly rocks, and so do you! We love you!

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  4. Kitt Crescendo

    Wow…you show so much courage and resiliency in writing this. The honesty and pain, not to mention heartache flow through every word. I don’t know the exact circumstances, though I can guess. I’m glad that this is a former relationship and that you appear to be in a healthier place in your life. You are strong!

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    1. Christy Birmingham Post author

      Kitt, I have grown a lot since that time emotionally and on many levels. I am glad to be healthier now and your words strengthen me greatly! Thank-you for taking time to read and for the wonderful comment as well.

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  5. Janine Huldie

    Seriously Christy, I loved learning a bit more about you here tonight. I agree that you are a brave and strong woman. Thanks for sharing this here and am even more impressed than ever by your resilience.

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  6. Julie Catherine

    Oh wow, Christy, that was like replaying one of my own tapes ….. one I didn’t realize still has some power over me, even now; a painful power, and it’s sometimes hard to know how far back to rewind. I know you understand me, the way I understand every word you said (and didn’t say) here. Wow. This piece packs a mighty punch – but if you take nothing else away except this: he was wrong that he was your last hope; that no one else would ever love you. That was simply a huge ego spouting his belief, not truth. I hope that someday you will know that in the core of your heart and being …. You are a strong, courageous, lovely woman, and have my full admiration. Wishing all the best for you in 2013, my friend. ~ Love and hugs, Julie xoxox

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    1. Christy Birmingham Post author

      Oh Julie! Thank-you dear, dear friend. Your words mean a lot to me and I know that I will come back and re-read them. I think we have a deeper connection than we realized, judging from your words. I have learned much from the experience and refuse to be mistreated again. Hugs, love, and more hugs xx

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  7. Valentine Logar

    Beautiful, heartbreaking and still beautiful,

    As you must know, that person understood nothing but their own sociopathic need to diminish you. Their need to do so was their smallness, their lack; never yours.

    You are so much more than their words.

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    1. Christy Birmingham Post author

      Thank-you Valentine. After reading your post the other day, I felt strength to pursue my own writing path. Thanks for giving me the confidence to write and then publish this poem. Your post had a big impact on me xx

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  8. Jane Carroll

    Extremely powerful and transparent. I can so identify with it…not the words so much as the message…that message comes in so many ‘packages’. So happy that you…and I…are no longer ‘opening’ those packages!

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  9. Cat Forsley

    a new kind of poignancy in this one ——– sheer honesty and depth …..
    i love it
    i don’t love that you had to go through that
    but i love the poem xxx
    To new Love and to friendship xxx
    Love you xo
    C

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    1. Christy Birmingham Post author

      Thank-you Cat, it was difficult for me to hit the publish button but I do hope my words help others and also that the poem helps strengthen me even more. Your friendship is great! Love and hugs xx

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        1. Cat Forsley

          You are The same 🙂 absolutely xxxxx i am Trying to upload some art – and OMG- lol ……..
          I think i am Gonna go Bizerk
          lolololololololol xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo Love You
          Catch You xoxoxoxosoony xo

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        2. Cat Forsley

          i did finally – and then – there was a power outage 🙂 lolololololololololololol ………
          it was quite nice actually 🙂 lots of candles 🙂 and just a restful night xo
          a gorgeous sunny day here xo
          my yoga is pretty much done and now ……….
          🙂 🙂 🙂 xo

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  10. Tessa

    To have the courage to write with such honesty about these horrible events in your own life…shows what a healing journey you have been on. Being able to express to others with such powerful impact and feeling is where your gift in poetry flows. Your inner strength and determination will help others also find a way in their own journey. LOL and warm HUG from someone who cares.

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  11. Sue Dreamwalker

    excellent Christy, you know its amazing how even in those silent moments of anothers presence we hear and see so much, I know from my own memory that taste of fear within the throat as a look can plummet us into the depth of our own despair…
    You captured it so vividly ..
    Sue xox

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  12. Mark

    Painfully beautiful Christy! So eloquently said and heartbreaking but tinged with a glimmer of hope. Hope never dies and love will always win!

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  13. Aquileana

    Hello Christy;

    I liked the metaphor of the tape recording and the words that mentally remain after that silent dinner… I also loved the poem´s progression that shows how that weak presence gradually dissolves, until eventually fade and become just an unknown memory: that distant voice on the tape.

    Cheers my friend…
    Have a good day; Aquileana 😉

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